Okay, since I last posted life has changed dramatically. I did finish and my MAE and passed the exam. I still couldn't get a job in even the most remote, backwoods schools. According to them, I wasn't qualified. Seriously, it wasn't like anyone was breaking down the doors to make 10K less a year than all the surrounding school districts. I had my licensure /certifications + some. However, I wasn't raised there and I didn't really know anyone. In other words...no political connections. Ability has little to do with teaching or any other job apparently (I'm discovering this more and more). I moved nearly 400 miles north to be close to and eventually care for my mother and step-father. I had a part-time job for a while and quit. My fiance' had what we thought was a good job, but there were some shady "goings-on." So, now we're both unemployed...making a house payment and living the American nightmare /dream. Which is cool. We'll make it. We always do.
Now...for years I've struggled with religion. I've been a member of numerous churches, taught, counseled, and even preached a few (yes, I'm a southern woman and no...it didn't always go over real well with the men folk). Even in the period when I was highly active in the church...I never felt good enough, never felt I belonged. But reflecting on myself and my life, I've found the reason I felt that was (and still do) is because I'm not a groupie. I'm not a follower of man. I cringe when people pass judgment....and even worse...I made myself sick by becoming the type of person who was constantly mentally and sometimes openly criticizing others and attempting to do God's job. It's like this...God knows all about me...all about you. He doesn't need us pointing out each other's faults. We have a greater purpose. Love thy neighbor as thyself...in short...love you old neighbor, young neighbor, ugly neighbor, alcoholic neighbor, crackhead neighbor, hooker neighbor, LGBT neighbor, black, asian, white, atheist, agnostic, muslim, buddhist, etc..etc..neighbor. Don't get your panties in a bunch...I'm not saying you have to love or even like what they do. You don't have to agree with them...but you do have to love them. Pray for them...pray that God will bless them and help them. Don't pray damnation down upon them....because all you're doing is being an self-righteous hypocritical asshole and yes...God knows that too. And don't think it won't come back to bite in the rumproast. I'm not perfect. Not even close. I'm a pain for God to deal with really. I mean I've had temper tantrums, doubted God, cursed, screamed and kicked through some messes....when it was so very unnecessary. But, it's like this....I love my children and I might get highly irritated with them from time to time. But I would die for them. Guess what? God gets highly irritated with us too..but He still loves us. He even did one better....He gave us his only son to die in our place so we could live forever with them both...not to mention the Holy Spirit...that beautiful spirit of God that guides us ..never leaves us.
I too have forgotten that in the darkest hour, His presence is greatest. I will probably forget again. I am, after all, a mere human with numerous faults.
Anyway, I'm just thinking about things today and trying to get back on track. I'm trying to find my way just like everyone else.
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