No big deal

So, my blood pressure has been up a little lately.  Normal is considered 120/75 or so I guess.  Mine runs anywhere from 140/90 to 220/120.  It's also been known to hit 120/115 or 110/100 which is supposed to be bad I guess.  So yesterday I experienced a weird "chest pain" which kind of freaked me out.  Now, I have some arthritis and fibromyalgia so pain and I know each other very well.  I also have Raynauds which causes contriction of blood vessels all throughout the body.  This can be bad.  Anyway...I walked into my kitchen (and no I don't have panic attacks, etc) and started to speak to my daughter when I had a sudden "attack" that felt like a million needles pricking my heart and shooting down my left arm.  It took my breath away...seriously.  It didn't last long but after it stopped my BP was 170/105, which for me isn't outrageous but medically speaking it can say "heart attack." 
Well, I didn't go to the hospital or see a doctor.  I requested prayer and called a couple of nurse friends.  Both said the same thing.  If it's not happening at the time the doctor sees you....they won't believe it unless you actually suffer a heart attack great enough to cause some damage.  In short, it's a waste of time and money.  Rest, keep an eye on things etc.  But neither of them had heard of the sensation I felt either. 
Maybe a better way to describe it is like when you sit down in a chair and tuck your foot up underneath you..and stay in that position just a little too long so that when you try to stand up you get that incredibly irritating sensation of pins and needles as the blood rushes back into the area.  that's exactly what it felt like.  Freaky....and damn was it ever irritating.  So, I'm obviously still alive.  And if I'm still here tomorrow, I'll post something else.  Maybe. 

Pet peeve....literally.

So, yesterday I was on the phone and the question was asked "would you take your dog to church with you?"  Now, this wasn't a request it was a serious question.  My response...was "good grief no!"  First of all taking a dog to church tells me a great deal about the owner.  They've taken God's name in vain.  What?  You read it right...they've taken God's name in vain.  No they didn't curse- they took a dog to church.  What was the purpose?  What do I mean by taking God's name in vain?  Why is this a big deal?  Well, first of all say God d*** it is only one way we take His name in vain.  To say you're a christian and go to church for any reason besides worship, getting saved, and /or prayer (such as to be noticed with a new outfit, for political connections, for socializing and not really giving a shit about being there to praise God, or to get all the attention on you and your cute little puppy-distracting the service from the message) is taking God's name in vain.  Vanity...is selfish, egotistical.  To be vain is to be all about you.  To be in service under Christ is to be all about others and serving.  It is about praising Him for his Grace and sacrifice.  Now, I'm not talking about your average "having a bad day...need someone to talk to..." kind of moment.  We are to lift one another up and have fellowship.  If you want to show off your dog, you invite people over for Sunday dinner and make over the little fella there.  If you feel the need to take a dog to church...you need to ask yourself why.  You need to examine why you are going and what consequences it could have.  The dog isn't going to be comfortable...and someone might be allergic.  At the very least...they're going to be distracted.  Why don't I just take a parrot and teach it a few gospel songs while I'm at it?  It doesn't glorify God. It keeps people from focusing on the message that, believe it or  not, might be exactly what they need to hear.  What if someone comes in who has been out of church for a while because of the foolishness that goes on in church?  Do you think they'd take this place seriously and really want to turn their life back to God?  I think not.  For everyone's sake, including your pets...leave them at home.  Oh...let's say there are children there...do you really think it would be easy to keep them quiet and non-disruptive with a dog in the building?  No...not a chance.  And what if your precious puppy bit someone? 
Yes, I know there are churches that handle snakes- that's a whole other topic and they aren't pets.  So basically....if you're going to church, go for the right reason, leave your pets at home and don't make it about you.  Don't criticize people who have a 5 suit /dress wardrobe either.  They are there for the right reason most likely.  Get on board or go back to bed. Don't be a hindrance to others...it will bite you in the arse eventually. 

Karma..karma..karma chameleon

My love was an addiction....
Yeah, listening to a little BoyGeorge...goin' retro baby.  Not much going on today.  I have no great ponderings to share really.  Just feelin' groovy - dancin' in my seat.  People driving by probably think I'm nuts...yeah, I'm right smack-dab in front of the winder.  lol.
I think it's time to refresh my book learnin' and what-not just in case I want to go back to work.  Don't ask what I do for a living, I don't wish to expose myself to critique...I mean there's no one reading my blog now, but in 20 years..who knows.  I might have a plethora of freaks flipping frantically through my archives catching up on the goings-on and shenanigans of my life.  Oh yes...it will get interesting...just you wait until that dementia kicks in- you'll see.  
Oh heck...listening to The Miracles "I'm Just a Love Machine"  --and I won't work for nobody but you...sing it....yeah baby!
lol ...really in a mood.  That happens when you cut out sugar and salt...let your body breathe again and begin to heal.  I'm an addict though..so we'll see how this goes.  While I feel better, it's hard to resist the rush...then the sickness...the lethargy...lol  Okay..time to go be more productive.  Peace.
...that's the way uh huh uh huh i like it uh huh uh huh  that's the way...KC & the Sunshine Band...get up and dance...yeah baby.

Stepped right into that pile of shit....

I understand more and more why my friend Janie deleted her facebook.  It's a waste of brain cells really.  We get caught up in other's status updates and end up debating over one thing or another, usually politics, religion, or sports.  I did it.  I've done it before and swore I wouldn't...but I did it.  I saw the status and tried to be encouraging only to get "attacked" and "corrected" by some moron I've never heard of.  I stepped right into that pile of shit with both feet and kept walking even after the stench turned my stomach.  I may have even squished it between my toes for a minute.  Lesson...don't do it. You can think about it...ponder it over...blog about it...but don't you get caught up in the trap...Just don't you do it. 
Well I still believe that love is the greatest commandment given by Jesus and that it usurps all the other shit.  If you have the love...then the other stuff falls in place.  Just sayin'. 

Incorrigible grand-doggy

We're standing in line at the grocery and I assume we appear to want to hold a conversation with the madam in front of us.  I use the term madam not as a reference for a high paid hooker but for a very elitist, well groomed, probably wealthy, well-spoken  60-ish woman.  My husband makes the statement that he always chooses the wrong line.  The cashier was either very new or very stupid, I'm not sure which.  Either way, she was very slow.  Madam high-society proceeded to defend her saying she needed practice and we should be patient...after all she was herself 20 minutes late for an appointment.  She suggested we use the self checkout for which my husband replied how much he hated those things becasue they always seem to cause you to wait longer for a cashier to come reset something.  Madam proceeded to inform us that she has never had a problem with them and so I'm wondering why isn't she using it today if she is already 20 minutes late for an appointment?  Is she so beyond everyone else that scheduled events must be placed on hold for her arrival?  Does it matter that she is probably holding up others who have an appointment after hers?  I don't think it matters. 
Anyway....I chose the title "incorrigible grand-doggy" for a reason.  My husband says "I'm just in a hurry to get home to the dogs before they get upset and destroy it for us being late"-  Madam simply replies "you must cage them!!!"  This is probably true for the younger dog....she is moody but overall a good dog.  She pouts when we're late and will steal something she knows she isn't supposed to have and chew on it for "revenge."  My older one had been caged when he was her size and got his jaw caught between the bars of his prison.  We were fortunate he didn't break his jaw or at the very least a couple of teeth.  He was yelping and crying when we found him.  We stopped caging him.  But I digress....she proceeds to tell us about her most incorrigible grand-doggy.  Yes...the doggy of her son or grandchild...not sure which, but it's her grand-doggy.  The little buckaroo just destroys the house if he isn't caged regularly.  I assume he's too stupid to train or the people who own him are too stupid to train him...god forbid they have children....but anyway...the term incorrigible means (if you don't already know) :
1. not corrigible; bad beyond correction or reform: incorrigible behavior; an incorrigible liar.

2. impervious to constraints or punishment; willful; unruly; uncontrollable: an incorrigible child; incorrigible hair.

3. firmly fixed; not easily changed: an incorrigible habit.

4. not easily swayed or influenced: an incorrigible optimist.

She made some other statement which my husband responded to

She continued talking as if we were in need of her wisdom - we may appear ignorant and because we're are from the south, now living in the north, even sound a little ignorant because of that gentle southern drawl...lol.  Anyway, to whatever she said, my husband reponded in a friendly manner but used the word "hell" in his sentence.  This did not go over well....and started a whole new conversation.  We haven't moved in the line mind you and this all took place in the time span of about 3 minutes or less before we found another line in which to wait.  "There's no need for profanity" she says chastising my dear man....whom, by the way, I am very proud of for not calling her  a cunt or throw out a line from "Scarface" I think saying "you have a look like you haven't been fucked in years."  I probably have that quote off a bit, but you get the jist of it. 

Madam started to say something about how he might find himself in....she stopped and switched and we assume she was going to say something about God's wrath because she moved on to say she raised her children with a bible in one hand and a stick in the other. Poor kids.  She continued on and on...and I quit listening and bit my tongue.  I really wanted to tell her what I thought.  But Jesus doesn't tell me to bicker over shit like this....it's not his thing.   I'm thinking though....people like this with the attitude of "bible in one hand and a stick in the other" is the reason so many people don't go to church anymore.  Sure it's an excuse....but never being good enough can hinder the reason for church.  My friend Janie said "church is for broken people" and I totally agree. Unfortunately too many think church is for breaking people. 

Back in the day I had brain function.

I've began my blog several times today and have deleted everything.  My thoughts seemed withered, dry, uncertain.  I went to the store to pick up a couple of items and suddenly couldn't remember my pin number.  I had to giggle at myself.  Seriously awkward but what can you do but make a joke about it and move on. I'm finding I do this more and more lately.  Is it the fibro?  The perimenopause?  Being over 40?  I don't know....it's just a little embarrassing.  Back in the day I had it together....usually.  Back in the day I had alot of things.....more hair, more height, less weight, more energy...you know how it goes. 
Anyway, what's on the agenda for a frigid, snowy Thursday?  A nap probably...lol.  I may do something more productive, but I wouldn't place any bets on it. 

La ti da

Bills paid...coffee drank...phone calls made.  Now what?  I really don't know.   Pondering some ideas...maybe I'll get back here later with some better thoughts on the matters of the day. 

Miles to go before I sleep...

 It's a little before 8 a.m. and I'm thinking "there are miles to go before I sleep."  I don't mean before I go back to bed, I mean before I die.  I don't know how much time I have left here, none of us do.  I could be gone before I finish this blog or I could be around another 40 years.  Although, I'm highly doubtful I'll make it 40 years, you get the idea.  So, where do I have to go?  Italy, Spain, Australia?  No...I'm talking about my life's journey....my time with my family, my goals and accomplishments, my spiritual journey, my mental and emotional journey....just life. 
What am I going to do about ______________?  I could fill in this blank with a plethora of nouns.  I'm going to make (or try harder) each day count a little more.  Use my time a little more wisely.  Leave a footprint a little deeper in the muck and mud as I traverse through this life.  I love the quote on life, though I'm not for whom to attribute it, "I plan to skid in sideways, my body totally worn out! Chocolate in one hand, glass of wine in the other, smiling ear to ear, hooting "WOO HOO! What a RIDE!" 
I find myself re-examining my choices especially in careers.  I went into education to make a difference and for about three years I did.  I've been unemployed as a teacher longer than I've been employed and I can't help but wonder if it was the right choice to begin with.  Was it what God wanted me to do in my life?  I don't know, I didn't ask him.  I was pushed in that direction a little bit.  But ultimately I made the decision to become a teacher.  Am I good at it?  I'm not good at being overly stern with my students.  I'm more of a counselor.  I feel (and I've always had the desire) that I should have gone into the field of psychiatry and blend the Love of Jesus with counseling those in need.  Not to make a ton of money, though that would be nice, but to help people get past the obstacles in life and cope....maybe help them see the importance of loving others and loving themselves.  Most of us have had some difficulty in both areas.  
Perhaps that's a whole other blog or series of blogs.  For now...I'll leave it.  Just some thoughts oozing from my brain today.  The day's not over yet, so maybe I'll ooze a few more thoughts later on.  Love and Peace to all. 

Life is too short...

Okay, since I last posted life has changed dramatically.  I did finish and my MAE and passed the exam. I still couldn't get a job in even the most remote, backwoods schools.  According to them, I wasn't qualified.  Seriously, it wasn't like anyone was breaking down the doors to make 10K less a year than all the surrounding school districts.  I had my licensure /certifications + some.  However, I wasn't raised there and I didn't really know anyone.  In other words...no political connections.  Ability has little to do with teaching or any other job apparently (I'm discovering this more and more).  I moved nearly 400 miles north to be close to and eventually care for my mother and step-father.  I had a part-time job for a while and quit.  My fiance' had what we thought was a good job, but there were some shady "goings-on."  So, now we're both unemployed...making a house payment and living the American nightmare /dream.  Which is cool.  We'll make it. We always do. 
Now...for years I've struggled with religion.  I've been a member of numerous churches, taught, counseled, and even preached a few (yes, I'm a southern woman and no...it didn't always go over real well with the men folk).  Even in the period when I was highly active in the church...I never felt good enough, never felt I belonged.  But reflecting on myself and my life, I've found the reason I felt that was (and still do) is because I'm not a groupie.  I'm not a follower of man.  I cringe when people pass judgment....and even worse...I made myself sick by becoming the type of person who was constantly mentally and sometimes openly criticizing others and attempting to do God's job.  It's like this...God knows all about me...all about you.  He doesn't need us pointing out each other's faults.  We have a greater purpose.  Love thy neighbor as thyself...in short...love you old neighbor, young neighbor, ugly neighbor, alcoholic neighbor, crackhead neighbor, hooker neighbor, LGBT neighbor, black, asian, white, atheist, agnostic, muslim, buddhist, etc..etc..neighbor.  Don't get your panties in a bunch...I'm not saying you have to love or even like what they do.  You don't have to agree with them...but you do have to love them.  Pray for them...pray that God will bless them and help them.  Don't pray damnation down upon them....because all you're doing is being an self-righteous hypocritical asshole and yes...God knows that too.  And don't think it won't come back to bite in the rumproast.  I'm not perfect.  Not even close.  I'm a pain for God to deal with really.  I mean I've had temper tantrums, doubted God, cursed, screamed and kicked through some messes....when it was so very unnecessary.  But, it's like this....I love my children and I might get highly irritated with them from time to time.  But I would die for them.  Guess what?  God gets highly irritated with us too..but He still loves us.  He even did one better....He gave us his only son to die in our place so we could live forever with them both...not to mention the Holy Spirit...that beautiful spirit of God that guides us ..never leaves us. 
I too have forgotten that in the darkest hour, His presence is greatest.  I will probably forget again.  I am, after all, a mere human with numerous faults. 
Anyway, I'm just thinking about things today and trying to get back on track.  I'm trying to find my way just like everyone else.